Take it from the Narcissist – 7 Strategies for Success in 2019

Narcissism –  a grandiose sense of importance, preoccupation with unlimited success, a belief that one is special and unique, exploitative of others, lack empathy, arrogance, and jealousy of others.

Narcissists seem to be plaguing our world right now, from social media and television to the common workplace, we are drowning in narcissism. It appears to me that some of the most successful, influential and financially secure individuals demonstrate the traits of the common narcissist.

I have been surrounded by people who exhibited the common symptoms of narcissism. My childhood home, my work environment and even my own personal space were tainted by a narcissist. Selfish people who always seemed to thrive in impossible ways. No matter their circumstances or situation they always seem to come out on top.

Long-term narcissist exposure will leave you feeling doubtful, uneasy and unconfident about your talents and path to success. I know, I have felt unworthy and afraid of success. So, I decided when the fear of not succeeding became greater than anything else, that I would take what I know about narcissists and apply it to my life.

2019 will be the year that I begin to succeed and thrive as a writer, and small business owner.

 

 

I plan to thrive and succeed as a writer and small business owner in 2019 taking these 7 traits from the Narcissist.

1. Selfishness.
No matter what they come first.

Be selfish. Make sure your friends and family are aware of your goals and let them know your work will be coming first the near future. Say no and be unapologetic. Set clear boundaries and stick to them no matter the response you get. Making your dream a priority will pay off in the long term

2. Apathy
Narcissists don’t have feelings for anyone but themselves.

Turn off your emotions when they surface. Your business life and your personal life are not mutually exclusive. Keep them separate. When it comes to your goal your feelings will not work with you, they will only work against you. Keep them in check. Cold, calculating and focused in order to meet the metrics you set for yourself are some of the only ways you will become successful.

3. Entitlement
The Narcissists is confident in believing the world owes them everything.

Act as if it all belongs to you. Believe that you are worthy, deserving and entitled to a successful, prosperous, life filled with financial security and freedom. Live each day as if you are entitled to success. It belongs to you, so act like it. Even if you don’t believe it in the beginning, tell yourself over and over, success belongs to you.

4. Secrecy

The narcissist can be paranoid and suspicious of others around them, causing them to keep their plans, thoughts, etc, a secret.

Reveal only what people need to know. Keep your plans close to your chest. No everyone in your life is truly there to support and lift you up. When you plot and strategize, do it alone. Revealing too much, too early can place hurdles in your path.

5. Two Selves
The narcissist will seem to change behaviors and adapt to whomever and whatever is in their orbit, almost as if they have more than one person inside them.

Learn to code switch and adapt to each new environment accordingly. The career path you partake will lead you to engage and interact with people from all walks of life. You will be placed in new environments and surroundings that might be overwhelming, and thus you will be required to put on your business hat and pretend you belong in that space until you feel comfortable. Fake it until you are it.

6. Discard
When a situation or person no longer suits the life or agenda of the narcissists they will quickly and without any emotion discard them.

Don’t be afraid to move on when necessary. If the business, person or plan is not serving you then let it go immediately. Move on to plan B, C or D. Take a beat, mourn, cry or vent and then keep moving.

7. Hoover
The Narcissist will find someone or something that will benefit their agenda and then they will hoover until they get what they want. they will make their potential victim believe they are a worthy investment.

 

 

Whoever, or whatever can help you progress and achieve your dreams, reach out and engage. Become or pretend to be charming, appealing, and engaging. Learn the hoover. Start cold emailing, networking, asking smart questions, finding a mentor who will see you as an investment and make it all work to your benefit.

All the above is meant to be taken with a grain of salt and common sense. I am not promoting in any way, anyone taking advantage of another person. I’m suggesting you use the same tactics a narc would to get their agenda fulfilled. Be smart, strategic, focused and relentless and success will be yours.

Stay tuned for my 2019 goal list. Follow me as I apply the above and gain success as an independent author and small business owner.

 

 

 

Happy Holidays!

 

 

 

I’ve Published a New Book!!!!

Click on the photo to grab a copy of my new book!!!

My second poetry collection was a labor of love which took a year to write. I have been blessed to have experienced quite a bit in my life and have taken every event, incident, trauma, and triumph as a learning experience. I put my heart into the words I chose to convey my pain, my love, sadness, and growth. I hope that my words can help those who have been through childhood trauma, the end of the love, betrayal and self-discovery.

I write no color pictures, is both fearlessly emotional and intimate. i write no color pictures, with its raw honesty, addresses dysfunctional mother-daughter relationships, betrayal, sex, desire, and self-love. Vivian’s vulnerable voice glides through the pages of poetry and will stay with readers long after they’ve devoured her words.

 

Rule of Three

 

hourglass-time-hours-sand-39396

three days left to the year

wishing I had more time

three books published

wishing my career was three times the size

thirty-six years existing

ready to LIVE another 36

I don’t sitCozyin this city

I shake

tremble

pace & cry

fully aware

of the paradox that is time

 Cozy

© 2017

Vivian Blac

All writers are artists. Mystery, erotic, romance, comedy- no matter, we take words shifting them into masterpieces to be consumed by the avid eyes of readers thirsty to quench their need for escape.

There is a special skill that comes with writing romance and erotica. To take the mechanical act, the intimate dance between two lovers and re-write it new each and every time, takes skill.

Here are some of my favorite quotes about erotica, writing, and art.

FB Quote 1FB Quote 3FB Quote 5FB Quote 7FB Quote2FB Quote 14FB Quote 13FB Quote 10FB Quote 9FB Quote 8

 

Make Coffee, Tea?

Simple question

No one ever told me what to do with all this pain

where to put it

how to store it

when to make it useful

what are you supposed to do

when it turns into an ocean

drowning you

when you don’t

resurface and die

what do you do

someone should have told me

what to do with all this pain

it resurrects you

into someone you

never wanted to meet

would never wish to be

to be

what to do with this new person

what to do with her

make coffee, tea

serve wine in the good glasses

formal interview

easy courtship

with this person

who looks like you

sounds like you

but is not

You

you’re not you

anymore

I am not myself

what am I supposed to do with that

With her

how do I love the stranger

that spits anger

sadness at me

embarrassment and hurt

lace and blaze every word

she can’t see anything

only the bogeyman

horror movies

and nightmares

she removes the doors and mirrors from my house

how do I convince her

this pain will not be the end

It will pass

we will last

What do I do

with this pain that won’t let me go

pain that won’t let me go

won’t let me go?

-Vivian Blac

He. Put. It. In. Her.

 

Free Book Promotion Sites for Romance & Erotica Authors

New to the independent romance author realm, I have found it difficult to get any reviews or sales for my novellas.  It seems like a strong possibility that one can bury themselves under the slew of romance and erotica authors that are publishing their work daily. It is difficult to get noticed as a romance writer in the sea of what seems like millions of romance and erotica authors.

Promotion is a necessary step before and after book publishing. It can also be an expensive step. After spending some time researching other blogs and websites, I have compiled a list of promotion sites that accept romance and erotica. There are several sites that do not allow erotica. I had to filter through a lot of different promotion sites in order to find at least a dozen that will accept erotica.

I plan to use the sites I have listed. I will write an update about my experience. And describe whether I was able to increase sales and get reviews.

Review the guidelines carefully.  Some require books to be free, perma-free or discounted from a higher price. 

  1. Armadillo Ebooks
  2. Book Bongo
  3. Discount Book Man
  4. Free Discounted Books
  5. Pretty Hot 
  6. New Free Kindle Books
  7. Lovely Books
  8. EBook Skill
  9. Free Kindle Books
  10. Excite Spice
  11. Korner Konnection
  12. Book Pinning
  13. Free Kindle Deal
  14. Book Praiser
  15. One Hundred Free Books
  16. What to Read After 50 Shades 
  17. Book Teddy
  18. ChoosyBookWorm
  19. My Adult Place
  20. Awesomegang
  21. My Book Place

I am certain there are more sites that offer free promotion for romance or erotica. If I missed any please send me a comment and I will add the site to this list.

The promotion sites I have listed promote other genres as well.

Floating in No Direction

I am on a boat with too many tiny holes and I’m far from the shore.

The writing process is exciting, stressful and tedious. Too tedious at times. I can see the metaphorical shore, but my arms cannot paddle fast enough against the choppy water.

via GIPHY

Writing takes time that others don’t realize you need. It takes time you don’t even realize you may need. When time is not on your side, the anxiety that builds can be overwhelming.

Deadlines looming. Household chores stalking. Attention starved pets harassing.

All my goals seem too far away.

How long am I meant to stay Adrift?

Exposed

Fear can be paralyzing. Fear can hold you back from the becoming who you were destined to be.  At times words spoken and actions taken,  seem illogical and involuntary, but make perfect sense. It’s not easy being uncomfortable in a new space. It’s difficult to pursue a lifestyle that could bring judgment, scorn, gossip, jealousy and conflict into your life. It’s painful to have to distance yourself from those you thought you would never have to live without. But, that moment comes when you fear complacency more than you fear the change.

Exposing yourself to the world is hard. But it is survivable. The skin gets tough, the struggle becomes easier with each passing day. You survive. Time makes that happen and then one day you look back and smile at how scared you were, and how much you feared moving forward.

I feel the fear and do it anyway.  Writing poetry and fiction is my passion. I avoid attention like it’s my job, but I know attention is a part of this wonderful process of writing and publishing. I embrace exposure.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Exposed

Not What I Expected

I spent months writing the poems. I spent months going over my work until I got tired of looking at it. Then, finally, I decided on a cover after having about seven different ones that never seem to fit right with my vision for my chapbook. Then, at last, I published my book. A labor of love, most definitely.  I thought that was enough. I thought my passion and the pain I transferred into poetry would be enough to get a few reviews, enough support from friends and family.  And then the sales would come.

I was wrong.

What I did not know was how much time must be invested in promoting. I spent hours researching and trying to get a filter through the endless websites that hold snippets of information about how to successfully promote your book.

There is no easy way around promoting your book.

Research. Read. Read some more. Filter through the internet wilderness. Find some good information and start networking.

I will post reviews of the sites I have found and breakdown my experience.

#workinprogess

 

Excerpt from my book

What Does It Feel Like

Attempting to locate the words
to properly describe,
respectfully convey
heartache.

It is a journey into the wilderness.
Machete through the bush.
Enduring heat that feels like abuse.

Excerpt from He. Put. It. In. Her.

My debut chapbook!

Available on Amazon

I am super excited to finally be able to get my work out into the world. I hope that my words are able to reach as many people as possible.